No one ever informed me of THE CODE. The phrases that you said to your spouse or children that you think are fairly straight forward but actually they mean something completely different.
Let me enlighten you on a few key code phrases:
What I am saying: Ok- I am going to change now.
Code: Ok- This is the perfect opportunity for you to slam open the door while I am standing in my underwear
What I am saying: I am jumping in the shower (this actually has multiple code phrases)
Code: I am jumping in the shower so feel free to hunt for those cookies that I have hidden on the top shelf
I am jumping in the shower so please rip back the shower curtain to inform me that you need your pants buttoned
I am jumping in the shower so now is the perfect opportunity for YOU to go potty and scream for me to “come and wipe your butt.”
What I am saying: Don’t touch your brother anymore!
Code: Instead of touching your brother you should put your face right next to his so he will retaliate with a swift blow to your head. All ending with tears
What I am saying: Get in the shower and wash your hair.
Code: Whine and complain all the way to the shower and then do a light dusting with the water until I come in and demand to smell you hair for the lingering scent of soap. Lather, Rinse, Repeat
What I am saying: Please remember to flush the toilet boys.
Code: If it is yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down….unless you forget
What I am saying: Honey, will you please kill that cricket?
Code: If I wait long enough she will do it and remember that I hate all bugs.
If I had known some of the key phrasing I would have changed the way I spoke. But I never knew this super secret code that other moms knew but I do now. Oh boy, do I know.
Now I am off to kill the damn cricket in that bathtub.